Recently I have felt like a bird without a nest. This past year has been transitory for me; a state that I have never mastered. I have been back and forth between my parent's home, my family cabin, my boyfriend's apartment, and my sublet-ed bedroom. I feel like I am living out of a backpack and a really roomy purse. Its not the travel toiletry bag that I mind so much, its more the underlying uncertainty. Where will I be next month? What do I want to be doing? Is what I'm doing now what I was made for? Am I wasting my time?
My boyfriend and I have been talking recently about settling; an inevitable theme of 20-something relationships I fear. What is the 5 year outlook? Is this realistic? He has reminded me of a self-destructive habit I have developed. I think that often I decide in my mind that I am going somewhere else, moving on, breaking free, and thus don't allow myself to take advantage of where I am. I have known this about myself for a few years; but I never expected it to happen in my childhood home, Columbus. But as my boyfriend has pointed out, with so much focus on the future; on my travels, on my anticipated move, I have completely neglected the music, art, movies, and happy hours all around me. I throw in the towel and hold out to be happy once I've made it "there," wherever that is.
I havn't taken time to create a space for myself here, now, where I am. Oh to be present, I think this might be a lifelong theme.
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