today I am going to start to blog in a new way.

I am going to write more words, thoughts,
things I have been chewing on.

An Idea I Ran Into By (Happy) Accident:

Last night. Actually yesterday, I was overcome with uncreativity. Sometimes that happens, I think to myself about blobbish things and vegetating and wonder if I can make anything. When I feel like this I back myself into a corner; its no good.

I often end up baking when I feel uncreative. I've never thought about this habit critically, but I guess baking is my way to make something in a pinch; prove to myself I am still alive a little. Baking allows me so easily to transfer that creativity to others. Its an easy medium for sharing. Its casual, kind, not too critically critiqued when it arrives in a zip lock baggie. Baking makes me feel like I can add to the world a little bit, give someone a smile. Its immediate satisfaction for me when I am in a blob. I'm not sure where to go with this realization, but its something I thought of yesterday.

I have just finished reading Travelling with Pomegranates by a mother and daughter, Sue Monk Kidd and Anne Kidd Taylor. The book was what I was craving on a few different levels. Specifically, I was drawn to the the two women's experiences with feminine divinity. Sue Monk Kidd spoke eloquently about her belief that feminine figures do not just represent biological fertility and creation, but creation in general. She called regularly on Mary to guide her creativity. I wrote in my journal last night:

"I can't help but smell my cupcakes as I pray to Mary for creative guidance. The plee to create what can help, how I can add to the world the best I can-- which world I belong in. Is it the elephant in the room? Its what has always been comfort, home, companionship, creativity, its what I've always shared--its how I show love."

This is what I made

(it is a berry cupcake with cream cheese frosting):

it looks like this inside:

I also started to experiment with that beautiful cake I posted yesterday. Clearly, I failed on try one; my layers fell in on themselves rather than remaining horizontally stacked and my food coloring was much stronger than I anticipated. Tonight my baking-expert best friend and I are going to go for try two:

this post has proven to me that I need to stop taking photos with my iphone. Better quality next time I promise.

Baking reminds me of my limits. It proves to me that I have to work to hone a craft. Sometimes taking risks works out wonderfully and I create a happy accident (crushing raspberries up in my cake batter), sometimes those accidents are flops (green gooey cake); either way its a constant process. I'm always picking up little hints and building from experience. When I bake, there isn't much pressure, either way I can try again tomorrow. Why do I have such trouble looking at my other crafts this way?